


The Way It Goes

by Ohsoverysensible



Series: Dorian's Sweet Boy [12]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M, Plot, Post-Game, Romance, Smut, Spoilers, Trespasser DLC
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-10
Updated: 2015-09-30
Packaged: 2018-04-19 23:21:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4764785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ohsoverysensible/pseuds/Ohsoverysensible
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two years of change, and yet more was on the horizon...But Alexander Trevelyan and Dorian Pavus both had to recognize that "different" didn't always mean "bad".</p><p>(Extensions and expansions of the Trespasser DLC, plus aftermath for the Dorian/Trevelyan romance)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "You Didn't Know"

**Author's Note:**

> There was so much material to work with, so much more depth I wanted to explore...So I decided to write some! Enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love, love of mine,  
> Won't you lay by my side,  
> And rest your weary eyes  
> Before we're out of time?  
> Give me one last kiss,  
> For soon, such distance,  
> Will stretch between our lips,  
> Now the day's losing light.  
>  "As Much As I Ever Could" - City and Colour

_He's here._

Those two words were the only two words Alexander Trevelyan could think. As he made his way through the gardens of the Winter Palace, which looked far more foreign to him in the daylight, there were probably a thousand things he should be thinking of instead. Like the state of the Inquisition, and its fate in the world. Like what he was going to say to two powers in fear. Like how he was going to get through this without punching someone.

But no. All Alex could do was think about one person.  _He's here_.  _He's here, and I forgot_.

A month. The longest they'd ever gone. Alexander hadn't had one day where he didn't think about Dorian Pavus, even in the heat of an Exalted Council meeting and the business of cleaning up the mess Corypheus caused two years ago. Alex could remember when Dorian was told, the letter, the seal on the back of it shaped somewhat like a dragon. Alex had been with him, of course, or maybe the other way around. They sat in the garden at the gazebo, playing chess, minding their own business, and then Dorian became an ambassador.

In a blink, everything was different.

Everything already  _had_ been different, but the whole world changed for Alex that day. The day Dorian realized that maybe he should go back to Tevinter.

But it was a small position, an easy one, that saw Dorian travelling around more than staying put. So he had plenty of leisure time to stop off at Skyhold and see his amatus. And at least from what Alex had seen, nobody questioned him. It had only been a few months, maybe three, since Dorian took on the Ambassador role, and Alex tried to console himself on lonely nights with the memories of time they'd had together when they thought that was it. But things change, like they always do, and on the first day Dorian left Skyhold, Alex realized he'd seen this coming.

At least to a degree.

But now, Alex's heart was beating behind his ribcage like an unbreakable stallion. He smoothed his hair down as he made his way up the stone stairs, adjusting his outfit, cursing himself for not having trimmed his red locks before coming here. Dorian always liked it a little shorter, though he ran his hands through Alex's shag any time he could. As Alex mounted the stairs, more nervous than he was for the fate of his Inquisition, he felt his legs shaking just slightly. Especially when he heard Dorian's voice.

_He's here._

Dorian Pavus stood speaking to the Orlesian council member, arms crossed, elaborately dressed in a classic Tevinter style. If Alex hadn't spent so much time watching Dorian parade around in his Imperium fashions, the look would seem out of place in the Winter Gardens. But it just made Dorian look phenomenal, as always, a shining beacon of elegance and pride. His hair was its usual perfection as well, dark as the night sky. Alex didn't think Dorian would ever go grey. And his eyes, that strange hazel, were sparkling even at a distance.

And Dorian wore his classic smirk.

It was like seeing him for the first time, Alex realized. How could he have forgotten so much in a month? Like the way Dorian's head tilted, or the way you could just barely see an eye roll appear when the Orlesian wasn't looking. The curve of his moustache, neatly trimmed, and the size of his shoulders and arms. Had Dorian always been that broad?

Alexander continued to stare, but after a moment their eyes finally met. And Alex felt all the breath leave his lungs. Maker, how he missed that grin.

"You'll have to excuse me," Dorian said, giving the smallest bow from his head. "I see an old friend I must greet."

His voice. Like velvet. It made Alex smile even wider, and he hoped, prayed,  _wondered_ , if Dorian felt the butterflies too. Or if only Alex were this sappy.

As Dorian approached, Alex tried not to fidget. 

Dorian grinned. "Amatus," he said, sending a shiver down Alex's spine. He finally realized that he could list off all the things he missed about Dorian, but eventually, he'd have to admit he missed everything. "Wading through the pomp and circumstance I see," Dorian mused as he came to stand before Alex. He seemed taller, though he always had been, by barely an inch if that.

Alexander's inhale shook slightly, but he nervously chuckled it off. "You're back after being away in Tevinter for a month," Alex heard himself saying, "and that's how you greet me?"

Dorian looked somewhat shocked for a moment, but then that slow smile spread across his lips. He reached out, took Alex's arm, and ducked them under a stone awning to their right. "It's not exactly the time and place for me to leap into your arms," Dorian said softly. "Believe me, that's the fantasy I have spinning in my head right now. But I have an apology ready," he purred.

Alex stepped close, and without even a quick scan around for prying eyes, Dorian wrapped his arms around him tight and pressed his lips to Alex's. Perfection. Every moment, every embrace, every touch came flooding back into Alex's mind, and for a moment it was like Dorian had never been away. They were so connected, so close to one another, that how could Dorian have been gone that long? It surely couldn't be possible for them to be separated for that length.

Alex flowed into the movements of kissing easily, willingly, his eyes closed and his body relaxed. Never mind the meeting, never mind his fate, he just wanted this. When Dorian pulled back, Alex couldn't keep a little blissful sigh from escaping. "A month," he breathed. "Far too long."

Dorian chuckled gently. "I think you probably managed fine."

Alex shook his head. "I didn't know what to do with myself. Let's never keep it that long again." Dorian grinned but looked down. "So, what have you learned about this council,  _Ambassador_."

Dorian gave that subtle little eye roll and looked back up, staring at Alex just as dreamily as Alex had stared before. "Orlais wants the Inquisition tamed, Fereldan wants it gone, the Chantry meddles, and Tevinter sends but one ambassador."

"Lucky you," Alex cooed, reluctant to take his hand away from Dorian's.

Dorian scoffed. "You'd think they'd send someone more...severe. This was just a pity title. 'A reward for your interest in the South,'" Dorian recalled.

"Yes, I remember the letter," Alexander said with his sweet smile. 

"You should be thankful 'Ambassador Pavus' is a token appointment," Dorian said. "It lets you call on me as you like."

Alex laughed. "Thank the Maker for that. I don't know what I'd do without my regular dose of sarcasm and useless magical facts."

"Ha, ha," Dorian said, and they smiled at each other for a moment in silence. They'd perfected being together in silence, being in each other's presence even if they each had their minds focused on something else. Right now, they were only focused on each other.

"I missed you," Alexander breathed at last.

"And I you," Dorian said. "I wish this were a better time to reunite. I had hoped to find you when you arrived to your rooms here this morning, but it was...a bit..."

"Hectic?" Alex asked, raising a brow.

"You could call it that."

Alex looked over Dorian's shoulder and sighed. "I should...probably get back to the pomp, then."

"Hm," Dorian agreed, "and I, the circumstance." He won Alex's laugh. "Come find me when you're free. We have much more to talk about."

Alex nodded a little sadly. "You can help me get through this."

"I think you can manage your life without me," Dorian said, squeezing Alex's hand and walking off. The tone to his words, and the way he moved so easily away from Alex, made his red-head turn with confusion.

***

The very instant Alexander was freed from his discussions with the Arl and Duke Cyril, he made his way eagerly down the steps and around the garden's shrubberies. Dorian hadn't said where he would meet him, but Alex scanned the massive yard with well trained eyes, searching for that dark head of hair. Or listening for laughter. Or arguing.

He heard the laughter first, and with a grin he noticed a good group of his closest friends all gathered by some sofas. So elegantly designed for outdoor use, Alex was ready to make a snide comment about them as he approached. It was a thrill to see such a group of his companions all together again, and it made his spirits brighten. He hoped to have them all back once this was settled, though he knew now that not everyone could go back to the way things were. Alex opened his mouth to comment on the reunion, instead of the sofas...

But Varric was apparently giving a toast.

"As the most eloquent dwarf you know," he began, earning a few chuckles, "Sparkles--"

"Speech, speech!" Sera yelled, interrupting. "Way too much speech!"

Alex smirked and walked closed.

"Varric, there's really no need," Dorian said, his face showing both thanks and worry. It was an odd look for him, and he waved Varric away as he kept his glass high.

Sera turned, along with Dorian, and caught Alex standing by. All eyes turned to him, and he raised a brow. "So what's going on here?" he asked casually. He looked to Dorian for an explanation, as Alexander had often been prone to do, but Dorian looked horrified. No.  _Terrified_. Alex frowned. What had he missed?

"Inquisitor!" Varric cheered. "You're just in time!" Varric turned back to Dorian, who shook his head, but he raised his glass again. "Sparkles, the Imperium doesn't deserve you. Or want you. It may even kill you! But we'll miss you, if it counts."

Alexander's brow furrowed. "Miss you?" he repeated, smirking as if that couldn't be what Varric had said. Dorian clearly gulped, and that made Alex's eyes widen instead of narrow. There was no sass on Dorian's face, no mask of deflection there. Just a quiet plea for an apology accepted. But then he looked at Varric, and a pure rage filled his eyes.

Alex turned to Varric as the dwarf hissed through his teeth. "And...you didn't know...shit. Okay folks, time to take the party elsewhere, lets go." Varric gathered up the group, all but Iron Bull who was out cold somehow on the floor, and whispered and hissed at them to keep moving. All the while, Alex stared in a frozen state of terror, watching Dorian put his eyes anywhere but on Alex, feeling his heart pound much harder than he thought it should.

Once they were alone, somewhat, Alexander swallowed. "Are you...going away somewhere again?" he breathed.

Dorian turned around, pacing forward, and making Alex follow him as if attached by an invisible string. He heard Dorian inhale slow and deep. "It's true. I couldn't stay away from Tevinter forever. I'm...leaving as soon as the Exalted Council is done." Dorian turned and faced Alex with a new kind of mask, a diplomatic mask. A hard mask.

Alex looked away as if he could find answers in the bushes. Then his head twitched back. "For another month?" he asked, watching as Dorian hardened his jaw. "Longer? Two?"

"I'm afraid it will be a permanent change," Dorian explained.

He may as well have punched Alex in the gut. Unlike before, when all the air left Alex's lungs this time, he found it very hard to refill them. He stepped back.

"Now Alex," Dorian said, his own tone slightly shaky. "Let me explain."

"No," Alex breathed. "No...no, you said..." He couldn't think straight, let alone figure out what to say. His head actually felt too light, and his ears seemed to be ringing somewhat. He knew he should have eaten breakfast this morning. "You said you weren't going back. What...what changed?"

"Alex," Dorian said gently, reaching out, stepping forward.

But Alex pulled his hand back. "No, don't," he said, a twinge of anger seeping through his words. "Tell me what's changed."

 _There's someone else,_ Alex thought. All of these reasons were swirling into his head without being called there, and each one was worse than the other. Dorian had met someone in Tevinter, or rekindled with someone, or he realized he wasn't that in love after all...

Dorian moved swiftly and grabbed Alex's hands, forcing him to stand still, forcing him to stay here. Alex hadn't realized until Dorian grounded him that he'd wanted to run. "I don't _want_ to leave, amatus," Dorian assured him, but Alex still couldn't bear to look up. Dorian sighed. "My father is dead."

That broke every fear and every thought Alex had in his mind, and his head snapped up. "What?"

Dorian frowned. "Assassinated, I believe."

"Maker..." Alex breathed.

Dorian sighed again and fiddled with Alex's fingers. "I received word this morning. So this wasn't something I was planning. I want you to know that. I got a perversely cheerful letter congratulating me on assuming his seat in the Magisterium. We only met a few times while I was home. He said nothing about keeping me as his heir."

Alexander exhaled hard, and long, and took one of his hands from Dorian to run it over his face. "And here I was..." He sighed again. 

Dorian managed to smile, though his eyes still held sadness. "What, were you thinking I'd found someone better?"

To hear it on Dorian's lips actually made Alex chuckle. But then he stopped. "Maker, I shouldn't laugh. I'm...I'm so sorry, Dorian."

"It's alright," Dorian soothed. "I know you didn't mean to come across as unworthy. And you didn't, before you panic. This...ambassadorship...his doing, I'm told. He must have wanted me away when the trouble began. I have to go back, Alex."

Alexander nodded, but there was still zero acceptance of this in his heart. He could be diplomatic about it, noble, but inside he still felt like every one of his organs was quivering with fear. He looked at their hands, held together again like magic somehow. He didn't even remember taking Dorian's fingers in his again. "So you'll be in Tevinter," Alex summarized. "For good." 

Dorian hesitated. "Looks that way."

Alexander's throat tightened. "So," he began. He was stuttering slightly as he tried to find the horrible words. "What...what of us? Is this...This is it then?"

The incredulous look on Dorian's face made Alex's heart rate rise, then slow. "Nonsense," Dorian said. He almost spat the word. "Absolutely not. Alex, there will always be an 'us'. I don't plan on losing you, ever, no matter what the situation. Please, you have to know that."

Dorian stepped closer and pulled Alex into him. They didn't embrace, but they stayed like that, incredibly near one another, and Alexander tried not to let tears threaten his eyes.

Dorian sighed. "We'll just be...farther apart, for a time."

"I don't want that," Alexander complained like a grumpy little boy.

Dorian gave him a chuckle, but his face was just as sad and conflicted as Alex's. "Now, don't pout," he said, trying to be chipper. He lifted Alex's chin with one finger and tried for that smirk of his. "They'll put that expression on a statue, and then you'll be sorry."

Alex frowned. "You think this is funny?"

"None of this is funny," Dorian said, instantly serious. "I _am_ sorry. For what it's worth."

Alex put his head down and shook it a few times. "I cannot ask you to be sorry. You have...You have a reason, and I'm just being...difficult. I just can't...I _can't_..."

"Shh, I know," Dorian cooed. "You don't have to try and find the words for it. Maker knows _I_ can't. But I know how you feel. And even if I don't show it properly, I feel the same," he said softly. "That's always been our way. I warned you, didn't I? That I wouldn't always be able to say it?"

Alex nodded, miserable.

"I love you," Dorian breathed. "That isn't going to change with a bit of distance." 

Alexander's head snapped up at last. "But what if it does? How do you know it won't?"

Dorian put a finger under Alex's chin once more. " _It won't_."

Alex let out a shaky breath, looking away only with his eyes, and only for a brief moment. "I can't imagine not seeing you," Alex admitted. "This month has been...To do it all over again would be horrible, but to do it forever...It makes me feel...Dorian, it makes me feel  _ill_."

Dorian somehow managed a chuckle. "At least I'm not the only one, then," he said. He cupped Alex's cheek. "You won't  _not_ see me. I still plan to spend as much time with you as I can. It just might be larger gaps in time. I promise, the distance is the only thing that will ever change between us."

"You don't have to go back," Alexander said uselessly. "You put it behind you. You still could." Even as he spoke he knew there was nothing he could say, nothing to be done, and nor would he want it that way. Dorian leaving, going back to Tevinter, was natural. Was needed. But something in Alex couldn't adapt to the idea, and it fought against his better judgement.

"And give up a golden opportunity for martyrdom?" Dorian teased softly. "Perish the thought! I have to use some of that optimism you taught me."

Alexander bit his lips together in a hard line, but he managed to control his expression.

Dorian sighed. "There's so much I can do, Alex. Especially now. Imagine the effect I could have on the Magisters there who have no idea what you've done, what  _we've_ accomplished. What we've learned! If there's a chance to share it, to make a difference...I know you never wanted me to part from your side, but this way, even with my absence, we could still work together."

"Stop," Alex finally breathed. He looked up and found a brightness in his expression for Dorian's eager coercion. "I know. I know everything. I know it all, Dorian. And I understand, I do. It just feels so sudden, so difficult to process. This wasn't a shock I was preparing myself for with this meeting, I...I couldn't plan a speech for this. A month was long enough, but longer? Looking at you now, it doesn't seem possible to not see you every day. It's so fast."

"I know," Dorian agreed. "I felt the same way when I received the letter this morning. One sudden day, and surprise, I'm a Magister. A few years ago, I would have spat on the paper and thrown it away. But you helped me realize there was more I could do. I complained about my homeland and did nothing for them. Now I can."

Alex swallowed hard. "Now we're both optimistic unicorns," he managed to joke. Dorian snorted. "See? I learned humour from you."

"It diffuses the tension, does it not?" Dorian asked softly.

Alex bit his lips together again. "I know it was complicated," he said dutifully. "But I'm sorry about your father." 

Dorian gave a soft, thankful smile. "It doesn't feel real quite yet," he admitted.

"I can understand that," said Alex.

Dorian paused and looked about. "Why don't we take a walk. I think standing here is getting static and miserable. I could use a turn about I think." 

Alexander nodded and they started off, close together, heads bowed in dual sadness and realization. As they walked through the gardens, it suddenly dawned on Alex that this wasn't the only thing to change in his life. It wasn't even the first thing. People had scattered once Corypheus fell, and he'd managed to handle that. New threats and issues rose up, and he tackled each with precision and logic. If Alex had managed to deal with two years of varying faces, new dilemmas, and horrible after math, he could surely handle Dorian being away from him.

After all, it wasn't like it was over. Dorian's assurance that they would always be "us" made their little walk through the palace grounds feel a little less melancholic. It wasn't the last time they'd be beside one another, it would just be rarer. And Alex could maybe find a way to visit Dorian too, though the Imperium was trickier than Orlais. Even with all his plotting and planning, even as he moved beside Dorian right here and now, Alex's thoughts were turning dark once again.

"So," Alex began, once the silence became too much for his head. "You'll truly be a magister?" he smiled.

Dorian grinned, as if Alex asking him anything about it was a gift from Andraste. "Oh yes," Dorian mused. "I can't wait to degrade the Magisterium with my presence. A new outfit might be required, just to really pump in the scandal."

Alexander was grateful for Dorian's easy humour, and he smiled a little wider. "And then what?" Alex wondered. 

"I find my father's killers," Dorian said, as if it were the most natural thing to say.

"You're sure it was assassination then," Alex mumbled.

"Nearly positive," Dorian said. "And then, when I find them, I kill them back. Then I find those giving Tevinter a bad name, and kill them too."

Alex shook his head. "That's an awful lot of death."

"They're most likely the same people," Dorian noted, pausing to look at a particularly elegant rose bush. "So that should make the job easier."

Alexander watched Dorian admire the flowers a moment, wringing his hands together nervously. "You'll need help," Alex suggested. "I could go with you."

Dorian turned to face Alex with a mixture of pride and remorse. "Not this time, amatus. Not this time. But I won't be entirely without support, so don't fret at me like that." Alex immediately fixed his face. "Maevaris has gathered other Magisters who feel as we do. We'll be an actual faction in the Magisterium. I'll teach them manners. Take them shopping. It'll be fun!"

Alex chuckled weakly. "Your idea of fun changes so regularly, I almost pity those men."

Dorian grinned. "You should. Come, let's sit a moment," he suggested, motioning to a stone bench that stood vacant beside them. "I wanted to wait, but I think I should give this to you now. Sit."

Alexander did, and he instantly slumped forward in a defeated slouch. The idea of Dorian leaving, being absent, was still ringing in his head like a bad dream. Maybe he would wake up and it would all truly be a nightmare. But Dorian held his hand out, and in his palm rested a tiny little stone, almost shaped like an egg only a little longer. It seemed to be a crystal on closer inspection, and it was a dull purple shade that Alex found soothing.

"A going away present," Dorian said, leaning into Alex as they sat side by side.

"What is it?" Alex wondered, reaching forward and taking the stone gingerly into his fingers.

"A sending crystal," Dorian said, as if just those words would mean the world to Alex.

Alex turned with his wide blue eyes and gave Dorian a vacant expression.

Dorian sighed. "All that reading I made you do and for what? This crystal will allow us to speak, directly, from miles and miles away."

Alexander's eyes went even wider. "What? How...how can that be?"

"Amazing what friendship with the Inquisition gives you access to," Dorian smirked, throwing a slight wink at Alex for good measure. 

"How does it work?" Alex wondered, turning the little purple crystal about in his hand.

"Essentially, you hold it in your hand for a time, and it will start to glow," Dorian explained. "It will make a little sound as well, something gentle, like a hum. I have one too, and if I'm nearby it--which will be likely, as I plan to have it on me almost constantly--then I can answer your message."

Alex stared at Dorian in awe. "Just like that?"

"Like I'm right there with you," Dorian beamed. "So, if I get too in over my head, or you're overwhelmed with sorrow for lack of my velvety voice...magic!"

Alexander looked at the stone in his hand as if it held the answers to all of the world's questions. "This," he breathed, "is much, much better than letters."

Dorian laughed. "What, you think I'd just leave you and you'd never hear from me again? I had this all planned out by this afternoon! Letters aren't nearly enough, and sometimes...I know I'll miss your voice too."

Alex grinned and turned to look into Dorian's eyes. This time, Alex didn't succeed in keeping the slight dampness from reaching his irises.

Dorian leaned ever closer. "You are the man I love," he said sweetly. "That will never change. Nothing will truly keep us apart."

The darkness started to lift from Alexander's thoughts. "Don't get syrupy," Alex teased softly, but Dorian simply smiled wider, and closed the gap between them passionately.

Alex knew things would be different. But they would also, somehow, thankfully, be exactly the same. 


	2. The Inquisitor And Herald

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you'll be my boat, I'll be your sea, a depth of pure blue just to probe curiosity.  
> Ebbing, and flowing, and pushed by a breeze,  
> I live to make you free.  
> But you can set sail to the west if you want to  
> And pass the horizon, 'til I can't even see you.  
> Far from here,  
> Where the beaches are wide,  
> Just leave me your wake to remember you by.  
> "Boats and Birds" - Gregory and the Hawk

Dorian Pavus stood outside of the guest apartments in the Winter Palace. The door was large, ornate, unfamiliar, but beyond it he knew there was something more simple, classic, and dear to him than his own life. They were not Alexander's rooms. They had seen many a diplomat, noble, or Royal visitor. But they were his temporary quarters while Fereldan and Orlais decided Alex's fate for him.

If they'd been in Skyhold, Dorian felt he wouldn't have hesitated so long outside the door. But with this situation, with what was going on beyond...maybe he would.

What was he going to say? What was he going to tell the man he loved to make him feel better? Dorian wasn't convinced that his charisma, that his easy wit and charm, could brighten this moment. He didn't think this was something he could lift Alex out of, as he'd lifted him before. This was something more, something beyond mental, something beyond his abilities.

This was Alexander's arm. A  _limb_. It wasn't a momentary worry about this or that. It wasn't something that would fade after a few days. It was gone forever.

Dorian remembered the moment the Eluvian unlocked. He'd been banging on the glass so hard that Blackwall had been worried it would shatter. Even Varric was yelling for him to stop. And so they waited, for what felt like hours, before the glass began to glow again and display an image that wasn't Dorian's worried expression. Through the portal, Dorian found himself in a field of stone Qunari, trapped forever in battle. And there, atop a hill, he watched Alex fall forward onto his face.

Running to him, Dorian remembered just seeing a slight ripple on the largest Eluvian they'd seen yet. As if someone had just passed through. But all he could focus on was Alexander, laying in the grass, deflated and defeated. But alive. 

But broken. It didn't take more than a few seconds for Dorian to realize Alex's arm was gone, from his elbow down, and when Blackwall and Varric noticed they all shared a good long look of terror. And yet relief. The pain the mark had been causing, the assumption that this could be Alex's last few moments, had them all in a panic. Dorian most of all. He would have done anything to save Alex, but he'd never even thought of just cutting the damned appendage off. He was almost grateful to the elf bastard for handling that for him.

Alexander had been far too lost to them, far too dazed, and nearly unconscious when they found him. Any questions they could have asked, any wonders they had, had to wait. They'd hauled him back to the Eluvian, which had shifted to show an image of the Winter Palace beyond. Slipping through, they found themselves in the gardens at night, with soldiers screaming for healers.

That was last night, and Dorian had barely slept. He'd paced for the most part, dozed in a chair for a while, then was forced to go back to his own apartments in the palace. His own body was sore, stiff from falling back into an old routine his political body barely remembered. It felt like a long time since he'd had to unleash his power to its full extent, since he'd had to run and duck and dodge. Dorian finally managed to sleep through the morning, waking and feeling somewhat calmer, somewhat steadier. He packed a bit, getting anything he'd strewn about back into its trunk. It felt wrong to be preparing to leave, but now at the budding afternoon, Dorian made himself knock on Alexander's door and step inside.

The first room was an elegant, if not overly flourished, little sitting room. And Dorian was surprised beyond belief to see Cassandra sitting on a small sofa. His eyes widened, and she looked up in surprise as well, putting a finger to her lips to keep him silent. 

"Where is your entourage, Victoria?" Dorian mused, though his usual sassy humour wasn't in the jibe.

She frowned. "No one knows I am here," she explained. Dorian realized he'd almost forgotten how she looked without that hat. "I wanted to check in on him," she said, looking towards the closed bedroom door.

Dorian followed her gaze. "Is someone in there with him?" he hoped.

"A palace healer," Cassandra said. "And Mother Giselle."

Dorian frowned. He loved Mother Giselle...

Cassandra chuckled. "I missed that face you make when you are disgruntled," she commented lightly.

Dorian walked a little closer and managed a smirk. "The noise you make is better than any face of mine," he said, noting that she had a book beside her. He always admired Cassandra's love of reading, even if she did stray towards rather inappropriate topics. What a Divine she was. "It's more of a huffing noise than a scoff."

She made the exact noise.

Dorian chuckled. "Yes. Exactly. So...have you seen him?"

Cassandra sighed. "Only briefly. I am told he has been in quite the state of shock until now," she finished softly, looking at Dorian, watching for his reaction.

"You don't need to tip toe," Dorian assured her. "I was there. I know how he was."

She frowned. "His arm...I never imagined it would come to that."

"Nor did he I'd wager," Dorian said, crossing his arms over his chest. For once, he was actually better dressed than Cassandra was. For the past two years she'd been covered in flowing dresses and vestments of gold thread. Now, he was covered in finery, and she sat there the image of simplicity. It suited her, he noted, though her lack of armour still seemed odd.

"At least he is alive," Cassandra said with a weak smile and a determined nod.

"Yes," Dorian breathed. "There is that." It was all he could say on the matter. How many times had he thought he'd lost Alex? How often had he woken up after a nightmare where his love had perished or vanished beyond Dorian's reach? The fear he felt in the Crossroads, the terror at Alex's struggle with the anchor, it all still pressed upon his heart and made his whole body feel empty at the thought of it. So he did what he did best; Dorian tried to repress it.

He heard Cassandra swallow roughly. "What do you think he will do? About the Council?"

Dorian shrugged weakly, looking back at her and escaping his morbidity. "I don't know. I'm more afraid about how far over the edge he's just been pushed."

"Do you know what happened?" Cassandra asked. "What truly happened with...with Solas."

"How did  _you_ hear?" Dorian asked.

"Blackwall and Varric are very forth coming now that I am Divine," Cassandra grinned gently.

But Dorian couldn't see the humour. The door behind them opened, and they each jumped in their own way. Dorian turned over his shoulder and dropped his arms, and Cassandra stood softly and slowly. Mother Giselle appeared first, followed by a healer who was carrying a few little tools and bottles. Dorian was very pleased to note there was no blood on the clothes she carried.

Mother Giselle clearly knew Cassandra was present, and she gave a bow from her head at the sight of her, but Dorian's appearance resulted in a mixed expression. "Lord Pavus," Mother Giselle said kindly. "I imagined I would find you here before long."

"You're not going to lecture me about it, are you?" he asked dryly.

Mother Giselle just gave a polite smile. "I told the Inquisitor on his first day at the Palace that I owed you an apology. I will say it now. Lord Pavus, you have my humblest respect, and I am sorry for any offence I caused you."

Dorian raised a brow and looked at Cassandra, who seemed similarly shocked. "Well thank you," Dorian finally said, walking towards the healer as she stood awkwardly aside. He gave Mother Giselle a smile, seeing the expectation on her face, and in a classically rude gesture he patted her shoulder. "Apology accepted," he said, and then he turned his attention to the healer as Cassandra snickered. "How is he?"

"The mark has ceased its spread," the healer said, accent thick. "It is no longer a part of him. He is out of its danger."

Dorian gave a little sigh of relief and heard Cassandra breathe a prayer. "May I see him?" Dorian asked, though it would take an army to keep him from that room.

The healer bowed her head. "He is not...himself," she said.

"I can manage," Dorian assured her, and he threw a small smile to Cassandra before ducking inside and closing the door.

Alexander sat, slouching, on the edge of his bed. His back was to Dorian, and the windows were open. They let in a cool breeze that Dorian found he enjoyed, feeling that so many rooms in the palace were stuffier than they needed to be. But Alex was still, quiet, breathing slowly, staring into space. As Dorian slowly walked around the bed, looking at Alex's profile, looking at his face once he was closer, Alex's blue eyes didn't even flinch.

His lips were dry. His face was pale. His arm was...gone. The shirt he wore had the sleeve on his left side rolled up and sewn together so that it didn't hang. It made Dorian's stomach roil, and not because it was ghastly, not because it was shocking, but because he knew how absolutely crushed Alexander must be feeling. It broke his heart.

"Alex?" Dorian asked softly, standing above him, looking at his red hair. It seemed matted in places, as if he'd sweat through the night. "Alex? Can you hear me?" When Alex still didn't move but simply blinked, Dorian knelt down before him and put a hand on his knee. "Alex? Look at me," he coaxed. Reaching up, he set his hand on Alexander's cheek.

An instant, silent little droplet fell from Alexander's eyes.

Dorian felt his heart crack again, as if someone had reached through his chest and given the fragile thing a squeeze. Because it _was_ fragile, especially with Alexander. Dorian felt sometimes that his heart of stone switched to glass when it came to Alex.

"Your eyes are all red, amatus," Dorian said, wiping the tear away with his thumb. Alex's silence, his blank stare, was terrifying Dorian to his very core. He licked his lips, staring at Alex as he took a slow breath in.

"They would be red," Alex finally croaked out. "I was crying most of the night."

Dorian's skin went hot, then cold. For someone who hated even admitting they were sick, admitting they needed help, hearing Alex out right state that he'd cried the night through had Dorian's insides shaking. The way he said it too, as if it were a casual fact, as if it were something unavoidable and common...

"You'll be alright," Dorian said reflexively, looking Alex over for any other signs of trauma. But it was just his arm, or the absence of it, that continued to make Dorian panic. "It will take time."

"I can't imagine ever being alright," Alexander said flatly. He still stared vaguely passed Dorian to the wall behind. "I can't look at it."

"You don't have to," Dorian immediately assured. "It's alright to ignore it for a while. You are welcome to."

"I can't ignore it either," Alexander said miserably. "It feels...It feels like it's still there sometimes. Like it's sore. But there's...just a _stump_." His voice faltered on the last word, and he spat it out like a sob. But in an instant, Alex adjusted his expression so that it was back to a strange blankness, and he took a shaky breath in. "He turned it to stone, Dorian," Alexander went on sharply. "He turned it to stone. And then it just...it just fell off, it just fell...!"

Alexander's breath had started coming quicker, his voice shaking, and Dorian remembered everything he knew about shock. "Shh, it's alright, it's alright," Dorian said softly. "Deep breaths now. You don't have to discuss it. Slow breaths."

Alex tried to do as Dorian told him, swallowing down a dry throat and taking in deep calming breaths. "How...how much more can I give?" Alexander wondered, brows furrowing softly. "How much more can be taken from me?"

Dorian inched forward, gripping Alex's knee a bit tighter, running his thumb over his cheek again. "But you're alive," Dorian breathed. He put a smile on his face so that his words could sound cheerful. "You're alive, Alex. You made it through. The mark would have been your end, but it's stopped now. It's stopped."

"As far as I can tell," Alex mumbled. He looked so damaged, sounded so distant. "But now I'm nothing."

"You will never be nothing," Dorian said sternly. "You didn't need that mark to make you special, Alex. You never needed it to make you great."

"I needed it to save the world," Alex said, turning his eyes to Dorian's at last. The blue of his irises looked somehow duller, but Dorian was sure it was due only to his sadness and not the missing anchor. "How am I ever supposed to save it again? We closed as many rifts as we could in two years. Everything is clean, for the most part, of Corypheus. But...but what if I needed it still?"

"It was killing you, Alex," Dorian breathed.

"He's going to destroy the world."

Dorian's eyes widened, and he pulled back just slightly as Alex stared at him. "What?"

"Solas," Alexander said stiffly. Then he grimaced. "Fen'Harel."

Dorian shook his head. "He...wasn't just an agent..."

"No," Alexander spat. "He  _wasn't._ He wasn't just anything." He looked at Dorian's aghast expression and spilled his secrets. "It was his orb that he gave to Corypheus. He said he couldn't open it. That he'd been sleeping. He caused  _all_ of this. And he made the Veil. It's true, what that spirit told us, he created it and ruined the Elves forever. I...I don't know what that means for the Maker. I don't know what that means for Andraste, but I can't think of that now. I just _can't_. But he wants to revert it. But he has to destroy everything to do it and I can't _stop that now--_ "

"Alex, Alex, stop," Dorian soothed, kneeling up a little higher and putting his hands on Alex's shoulders. Alex hung his head and Dorian pressed their foreheads close for a moment. "Stop. You can't panic right now about things you can't control."

"But what if I could have controlled it before?" Alex spat, looking up "What if any chance the world had just left with my arm!"

"You would have died!" Dorian said, shouted. He didn't mean for his voice to get that loud, but he had to be heard over Alex's fear. His words had to be felt. He realized with his volume that Dorian was not alright. He hadn't been alright all morning, all day yesterday. He used to be good at repression, but Alex seemed to break him of that trait. Dorian gulped. "You would have died, Alex. There's nothing you could have done about that mark, and you know that. Whatever Solas is doing...whatever he plans, we'll find another way. We always find ways."

Alexander looked away and sighed, almost sobbed, as he looked into the blue sky outside. "I don't know what to do," he breathed. "Everything is falling down around me again. I feel like...like I should be tearing out my hair and all I feel is...numb. I just feel like nothingness." He suddenly gave a bitter, breathy laugh. "A two handed warrior with one hand."

"You'll learn to use a shield," Dorian said, determined. "Or, you'll build yourself up so high that you'll swing that maul of yours with one hand like a pro." Alex very nearly, barely, smiled. Dorian moved closer again. "We'll figure this out. We will, I swear."

But Alex shook his head. "No. No,  _I will._  You'll have your own problems with Tevinter."

Dorian bit his lips into a hard line. _I will_. It rang in his head for a moment as Alex stared vacantly into the distance again. Dorian could see the determination starting to spark in Alex's eyes once more, but there was still so much defeat. "I won't go," Dorian said suddenly.

Alexander's eyes widened. He looked up, almost as if he was confused. "Dorian."

"I won't," Dorian said sharply. "Not now. Not like this. How could I go anywhere now? How could I leave you?" Something was breaking, and all of Dorian's plans to keep himself strong for Alex's sake were failing. He felt it. Alex gulped, his eyes twitching across Dorian's suddenly pained face.

"I have nearly lost you far too many times for my liking," Dorian said shakily. "I want to keep you in my sights now more than ever, Alex. I'll stay. I'll stay with you."

Alexander shook his head. "You can't do that for me."

"It's my choice," Dorian shrugged. "And you said, I could leave it behind. I could, you're right!"

"You have to go," Alex said. "You...you have to go, Dorian. I'm not...I'm not a basket case."

Dorian waved Alex's words away. "I know you're not, but the Inquisition--"

"I won't let them disband us," Alexander said, a sudden surge of strength filling his tone. "The Inquisition is still needed. With whatever is coming, and with what almost happened, Fereldan and Orlais should be grateful to have us. I'll...I'll have the team. I'll have my...my soldiers and everyone and...and we'll figure this out. And I'll have you too. I know I will. But you need to do what _you_ need to. Everyone does, and I know that. I don't want you to throw that away for my sake. I don't. Not even now. Not even like this, Dorian."

For a moment, all Dorian could do was stare at Alex, who even missing an arm, even with red eyes, somehow looked more ready to face the world than Dorian ever was.

And Dorian crumbled. Alex's entire speech had steadily made his legs weak, and they finally gave up. He fell down from his knees in a slump, shoulders slouched, head down, and he rested it on Alex's knee. He gave a little laugh, which turned into a shuddering inhale, and then silent shakes. He felt Alex put his hand in his black hair, and for a moment they curled in on each other in the silence as birds and people chattered outside.

 _Alexander Trevelyan,_ Dorian thought.  _Modest in Temper, Bold in Deed._

Bold, indeed.


	3. The Sending Crystal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So throw me a rope,  
> To hold me in place.  
> Show me a clock  
> For counting my days down.  
> Cause everything's easier when your beside me,  
> Come back and find me  
> Cause I feel alone.  
> "Throw Me A Rope" - KT Tunstall

When Alexander rode back through the gates of Skyhold, Cullen at his side, ready to help if Alex needed, everything felt the same. Which was comforting. 

But then it changed in an instant. Alex's missing limb was noticed and whispered about as he dismounted with surprising grace, if not a little shakiness, and handed the reins off to the small stable lad they'd brought on. There was a solidity to his brow that hadn't been there before, and a sternness to the set of his jaw that looked much too harsh for his usually bright attitude. Dorian had warned him again that they'd put that look on a statue, but he'd been sailing off on a different boat when he called the joke out. And it didn't make Alex laugh.

The only thing that made him smile that day was Dorian yelling across a large expanse of water that he loved him. 

Alexander hung onto that memory for a week, using it to cheer his dampened spirits, and to check his slightly ruthless mannerisms. Leliana made short work of weeding out the spies Solas had slid into his ranks, and it was difficult for Alexander not to sentence them to life in prison, or even death. For the most part, they were banished, and Leliana assured him she'd keep a sharper eye about. And Alex trusted that she would.

Josephine and Cullen too promised their support, rallying noble allies and soldiers alike to stand strong. Needless to say, not everyone was too pleased with the Inquisition staying together, though Cassandra was secretly thrilled. If Alex had to be tethered to the Chantry to stay up and running, he'd naturally do so. And he was thus far rather pleased by Cassandra's establishments, even if she brought back the Circle and the Templar order.

But for a week, Alexander struggled to get the Inquisition back on its feet. It seemed to be shaken by the Exalted Council, and by Alex's missing limb. Without his mark, many people started questioning his role in all of this. After all, so many people still believed the mark had come from the Maker, Andraste, divine intervention. Not everyone truly knew that it was some strange elven magic. Leliana was adept at spreading the subtle rumour that the mark had been too much for Alexander to bear, and Andraste came to him and helped him live through the blessing now that he no longer needed it.

People seemed to buy it.

Alex and his advisors decided it was best to keep Solas, and everything they'd learned, quiet. They had a few trusted allies who they could work with, but over all they wanted to focus on the search and understanding with secretive methods for now. They had nothing to truly go on, and while Alex was confident that there was time, the more they could figure out now the better. Solas wouldn't make his move just yet...but Alex would be ready.

Still, even after everything they'd been through, even after all he had done to Alex, he wasn't giving up on Solas. They'd been friends, after all, to a certain degree. And even if it was traumatizing and hard to handle, Solas  _had_ saved Alex's life. Technically. And Alex could remember, when he could look through the anger at night, how sad Solas' expression had seemed. How defeated he too looked, how miserable. The guilt he must have been carrying for hundreds of years surely took its toll. Mad or not, Alexander would do whatever he could to change Solas' mind.

And if that didn't work, he'd kill him.

With a week down, and the Inquisition getting back to business, Alexander found time to take stock of his new life. He was too brittle to even think about fighting yet, or even training, so he spent a good amount of his time doing research, walking the grounds, and staring across the mountains. More often than not, Alexander found himself in the library, in a chair that he shouldn't be sitting in, with a book that didn't belong to him. Sometimes, he'd sit in that little alcove and try to imagine what it was like to be Dorian. He tried to cross his legs the way Dorian did, he tried to hold a book aloft in the same easy fashion, as if somehow this would bring Dorian closer to him.

But it never succeeded. In fact, all Alex ever felt after spending hours alone in that little corner was sad.

Sadness was his constant companion, whether he was still managing to smile or laugh, it was still there. It would creep up on him when he was alone. It would steal into his heart as he listened to reports or wrote letters. Even on good days, when the sun setting over the hills made everything a beautiful orange shade, when the night was cool and quiet and Alex was exhausted, he would still feel tears threatening his eyes. Sobs penetrating his chest.

And pain in a limb that wasn't there.

He didn't have anyone. That was the true loneliness. Never mind missing Dorian, though that was the biggest ache in his soul, but he missed _everyone_. Only so many people had returned with him, and even though he had promises of help from all his former allies, it wasn't the same without them here. Alex wouldn't wish the disaster of two years ago on anyone ever again, but he missed the camaraderie. Which was a thought that just made him feel more miserable.

At the end of that horrible first week, closer to the start of a second one, Alexander lay in bed with the blankets pulled up to his shoulders. He lay on his left side, desperately trying to get used to missing a piece of himself, and staring at his nightstand. There was a goblet on it, a lit candle that gave only soft light, and a book. He had a book with him almost always now, both as a distraction, and as a special little token to remember a certain man.

But there on his nightstand, he remembered. The little purple crystal Dorian and given him was almost black in the night, and it sat there cold and untouched almost staring at him. Alexander hadn't given the little thing much thought oddly, being a little occupied with his own melancholy and the state of his inquisition. It seemed to somehow dawn on him now that he even owned something as impressive and, apparently, rare as a sending crystal. Alexander reached out and picked the stone up, resting it softly in his palm and turning it over slowly.

How did this work? It surely couldn't be as easy as picking it up and hearing Dorian's voice, could it? Alexander wasn't even sure he had the ability to figure it out. Dorian had explained, but that seemed like ages ago, and Alex had been a little too distracted. He closed his fingers around it, rubbing his thumb up and down the silky surface, and after a short time a little light began to emanate from its depths. The cracks and varying shapes within the stone became illuminated, and Alexander's eyes widened as he watched the thing get brighter and brighter.

And then it began to hum. It was a gentle, sweet little sound that sounded almost like a tiny bell. It was faint, pleasant, and it caused the colour of the rock to seem even deeper. Alex stared at it, opening his fingers and examining the way it felt warm to his touch, the way the hum was somehow peaceful.

But then the sound picked up, just for a moment, before cutting off completely. The little crystal still glowed, bright as the candle Alexander had beside him, but the sound had ceased. The sudden silence that followed made Alex realize how full and rich the humming had been. He frowned, confused, and spun the thing in his fingers, bringing it closer to his face and trying to figure out this kind of magic.

"...Alex?"

Alex jumped and dropped the little crystal to the floor, giving a very embarrassing and audible gasp. A laugh erupted through the room, and Alex would know it anywhere, in any form. "Dorian?" Alexander shouted. In a daze, he looked around the darkness as if he'd see him there, but then he remembered. The crystal!

"Did you drop me?" Dorian teased, his voice a little echoey, but so close! So clear!

Alex leaned over the side of his bed, trying not to lose his balance. It was hard to hold on and keep himself steady with only one bloody hand. "Wait, hang on!" Alex said, patting the dark floor in search for the glowing thing.

"Hurry now, or I'll fade," Dorian coaxed.

Alexander couldn't even wrap his head around the sound, Dorian's voice, spilling into his dark room even though he wasn't here. All he could do was scramble, trembling, for the little rock that had rolled just under his bed. When his fingers brushed it, an amazing sense of joy spread through his body. He hadn't felt this happy in days. 

He brought the crystal to his face. "Dorian? Are you there? Can you hear me?"

"Don't shout, it's fine," Dorian said. He chuckled again, and Alexander melted. "Hello, you."

Alexander laughed. It had been at least an entire week since his laugh sounded this sincere, since it sounded this pure and honest. It was so nice to feel it bounce his stomach, shake his shoulders, and he wanted to run a hand through his hair but when he lifted his arm...

Even that couldn't make him sad right now!

"I can't believe this!" Alexander said, still laughing in amazement. "Maker, you're here! I can hear you!"

Dorian was laughing too. "Amazing, isn't it?" he said. "Quite a rare little piece of magic, so be careful with it. I doubt I could get hold of another one. And it  _can_ break. So don't drop it again."

"I was honestly startled by your voice," Alexander admitted, his grin taking up more of his face than he remembered. There were so many muscles working that he forgot he had. "Oh Dorian, you're voice..."

"Mm, I know," Dorian cooed. "You  _did_ miss the velvet."

Alex laughed again, so much louder than was necessary, and his eyes felt damp without any kind of negativity filling his head.

"I'm impressed I'm only hearing from you now," Dorian commented.

"I didn't even think of it," Alex said, shaking his head at himself. "I didn't really know what to do with it. I don't think I believed you."

Dorian scoffed. "Would I lie to you?"

"Yes."

"Well not at a distance," Dorian said, and Alex could  _hear_ his smirk.  _Hear_ his raised eyebrow and tilted head. "For example, I'll be honest with you now. I was starting to feel a little forgotten."

"What?" Alex snapped. "How could you ever...Why didn't you use this thing before then? You could have contacted me, couldn't you?"

"Yes," Dorian admitted. "I...didn't want to seem...too..."

Alexander rolled his eyes, though his lips still held a smile. "Maker's mercy, Dorian."

"I know, I'm an idiot," Dorian sighed. "I was honestly ready to use this thing the moment my ship docked. I kept catching myself wanting to turn to you and complain about the choppy waves or the smell of the sailors."

Alex smiled softly to himself and snuggled down a little further into bed, holding the crystal tight. "Was it a bad trip over?" he asked.

"All water travel is bad," Dorian said, "and we caught a strong wind."

"Which is good...?" Alexander smirked.

"The speedy arrival, yes," Dorian agreed. "The waves, not so much."

Alex could envision the poor Lord Pavus, decked out in the finest attire he could find, hanging over the side of a boat getting sick. Somehow it made him happier. "You must have gone through Nevarra, then," Alexander noted, rolling to his side and spinning the crystal around in his fingers. "Was it nice?"

Dorian made an iffy sound. "It's not as if I haven't seen it. And we mainly just rode through. Nothing too fanciful. I found myself wanting to ask Cassandra if she missed it at all, but I doubt I'll have much chance to talk at her in the near future."

"I'm sure she'd appreciate letters," Alexander said. "Even from you."

Dorian laughed. "She puts up with me more than you think."

" _Put_ up with you," Alex said. "She's free now."

"She misses me," Dorian said. "She knows she does."

Alex sighed and listened as Dorian's rumbling chuckle faded out. " _I_ miss you," he said. "It's strange. It didn't feel so...hard until this moment."

"Didn't it?" Dorian asked.

"Well it has been awful," Alex grinned, making Dorian chuckle again. "But hearing your voice, and not having you present...I got used to you whispering things to me into the night, keeping me up, _waking_ me up. Sitting with me all the time. Scolding me about the book selections in my library."

Dorian hummed. "You miss such strange aspects of my person. Isn't there any of my charm and good looks there? Miss any of that?"

Alex chuckled. "They top the list. Being able to talk to you like this though...it's still boggling my mind."

"I've honestly never been happier to spend money," Dorian said.

"I love it," Alexander replied.

"I love  _you_ ," Dorian purred. "And I miss you too. I have this grand estate now, and it feels very empty. Nowhere near the size of Skyhold, obviously, but it's strange being so alone after so long. I was used to being by myself before, but now? Now it feels uncomfortable. I blame you for that."

"Hah," Alex said. "You're welcome."

"This little rock in my palm feels like a life line of sorts," Dorian commented. Somehow Alex just knew he was spinning the stone in his hand, far away in Tevinter.

"I know how you feel," Alex said, gripping the glowing object tighter.

"I have some friends here at least," Dorian said. "Though I'm unlikely to make much more."

"You're going to ruffle feathers," Alex smiled. 

"Oh indeed," said Dorian.

"So are you all alone now there?" Alexander asked. "In your grand estate?"

"Mm," Dorian mumbled. "I'm in bed. A massive bed that I do not need in the least. I could fit three of you comfortably in here."

"You can hardly handle _one_ of me," Alexander joked.

Dorian gave him a laugh, but then he paused. "And what are you doing?"

"Also laying in bed," Alex said, a brief memory of his previous misery flashing across his thoughts. "Mine is still the same size, but I would love to squeeze you in."

"You don't want three of me?" Dorian pouted.

Alex laughed. "I absolutely could not handle three of you. It would be like juggling knives without knowing how to juggle."

"Oh I don't know," Dorian mused. "I'm rather easy to please." He made Alex laugh again, and they shared in it a moment before they faded back into silence. "You sound quite well," Dorian noticed. "I was worried, when I saw the crystal light up, that you were calling in distress."

"I'm in a kind of distress," Alex admitted, feeling the need to confess. If he couldn't tell Dorian, who _could_ he tell? "It's been interesting, this past week. People look at me strangely now, but I try not to notice. Keeping my head up, like you told me to, and I'm trying to let Cullen and Josephine help me. Cullen has promised to teach me sword and shield styles, though I think I can get the hang of it without him. Still. It's hard being here." He wanted to add  _without you_ , but in all honesty, it was just hard.

"I think it sounds like you're doing just fine," Dorian soothed. His voice was so soft and sweet, so sincere, that Alex wished he had him here so he could see the little sparkle in his eyes.

Alex smiled gently. "I miss you. Terribly."

Dorian sighed. "I know." The distance, even with this fanciful power they held in their hands, would never feel quite right. "But at least we have this. We can be grateful for Tevinter spending. Now, let me tell you what _I've_ had to deal with, and you can talk me down from the ledge."

Alex chuckled and listened eagerly through the night. The shining light of the crystal didn't fade until the sun began to rise, and Dorian's voice echoed through the room until dappled sunlight filtered through the windows. When Alexander fell asleep in those early hours, he woke later feeling more rested than he had felt in a strangely long time.


	4. The Sending Crystal II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When I found my place,  
> Here is this new room,  
> Everything went quite clear  
> And I could feel again, and I missed you.  
> The whole of me missed holding you.
> 
> But I won't cry my baby.  
> Theres blue skies but, for me,  
> Even when the clouds roll in,  
> I still want you near me  
> -"Clouds" - The Submarines

Alexander sat slouched at his desk, a quill in one hand, and a discomfort in the other. It was hard not having a proper elbow to lean on, and he found himself sliding further and further across the table top, angry grunts getting angrier with each slide. It was still sore, no matter what fancy balms and salves the healers spread on him, no matter how well healed it appeared. Every now and then, and especially with the weather, Alex's arm would ache. Even though there was no arm there.

He gave yet another grunting sound of disapproval as he cracked his neck and struggled to bend over the letter he was writing. He tried to lean all the way down on his bicep, but that was too far, and then it felt more like he was trying to sleep. He missed the days where he could be writing, doodling, anything with his right hand and be leaning on his left. Alexander put the quill down and looked at his stump. He was at least managing to look at it more these days. 

These days...it hadn't really been long enough for it to be  _these days_. But that was how it felt, as if months and months had passed him somehow, though it had only been a few weeks. A few weeks since his entire life fell apart, and a few weeks since the world turned on him, and if Alexander still wasn't quite use to the missing limb, he felt exhausted and deflated enough to feel as if time had flown by while he blinked.

He was still fuming to himself when he noticed the glow across the room. For a second, as was his usual norm, he was perplexed by it. But then recollection slammed into his mind and his face brightened.

In an instant, Alex was up and marching across the room, stump swinging by his ribs. He reached forward and picked the crystal up, holding it tight in his palm, waiting for it to sense his acceptance. The first time Dorian had "called him", Alex had been incredibly confused as to how he answered. "You just have to hold it," Dorian had explained as Alex found himself laughing yet again at the miracle of this little rock. "Hold it tight, and I'll be there."

Half a month, Alex vaguely noted as the ringing stopped and he hesitated. Half a month since he last saw Dorian, but merely two days since they last spoke.

"Alex?" Dorian's voice came through at a distance, which was always the way. It always sounded like the other person was so much farther away at first, or like they were speaking in a cave. Eventually, as the crystal warmed to Alex's touch, everything would become clearer.

"I will never get used to answering this," Alex grinned, standing by his nightstand and looking out the window. "How long were you waiting for me to answer?"

"I'm panicking."

Alexander's smile faltered, and his brows furrowed over his eyes. That couldn't be Dorian on the other end..."You're what?"

"I. Am.  _Panicking._ " Dorian sounded out of breath, and Alex slowly sat down on the edge of his bed as he heard the other man give, what he could only describe as, an anxious sigh.

"What's the matter?" Alex asked, holding the stone close to his lips and keeping his voice calm, soft, though his own heart was beating fast now.

Dorian groaned. "I don't  _know_ ," he complained. "It feels...It feels like I can't breathe, Alex, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but I needed to..."

"Stop, Dorian, it's alright," Alex said, his eyebrows knitting closer and closer together. This was surely  _his_  personality, wasn't it? Wasn't Alex the one usually having a meltdown? Wasn't he the one usually finding himself incapable of breath? "Tell me what's wrong."

"I'm being sworn in tonight," Dorian finally confessed. "In front of the entire Magisterium. Who all knew my father. Who all know about _me_. Who all think I'm a radical nuisance coming in to destroy their comfy business."

Alex gave a gently supportive chuckle. "Well you are."

"But the way they are all going to look at me!" Dorian went on. "I am not my father, and anyone who knows me knows that. Anyone who doesn't...What if they riot? What if I'm...hit in the face with a cabbage?"

Alex laughed again.

"I sound stupid but I'm serious," Dorian sighed. "I'm...afraid, Alex. Terrified, even. Don't tell anyone."

"Who would I tell?" Alexander mused, feeling a little more relaxed by the slight return of humour in Dorian's words. 

Dorian sighed again. "I don't know," he grumbled. "Blackwall. Or whatever. Thom. Don't tell him, I know I'd never hear the end of it."

"I don't know what to say to you," Alex admitted. "You don't usually get this way."

"I know!" Dorian shouted. The crystal reacted to his voice strangely, bursting with light a moment, and emitting an oddly high pitched whine. Alexander winced and held it away from his face a moment. "Sorry," Dorian said, his tone much quieter. "I just...don't know how to handle my own heartbeat. I have to give a speech!"

"You give wonderful speeches," Alexander said, laying back on his bed and twirling the crystal before his face. "You've given me a thousand at least."

" _You_ are not intimidating," Dorian said a little bitterly. "The Magisters, who are almost all older than I am and much more accustomed to their ways,  _are._ "

Alexander was smiling. He couldn't help it. "Well  _you_ are intimidating as well," he said. "And you love being younger than people."

Finally he won Dorian's short little chortle. "That is true," Dorian agreed. "I feel like all they will see is this whining little upstart who wants to shake them up."

"Or maybe they will see a fresh perspective," Alexander said.

"Unlikely."

Alex sighed. "Just...give them the speech you gave me."

"And what one was that, exactly?"

"Talk about how much you love your home," Alexander explained. He could just envision Dorian's face relaxing out if its grimace. "Tell them what you always told me. Tell them how the history of your homeland thrills you, how you love its ancient ways and the pride everyone has."

Dorian snorted. "Every time I see a noble kick their slave in the streets, I change my mind a bit," he explained sourly. "One day I may snap and kick the noble back."

"Well talk about that too," Alexander said, as if it were obvious. "You didn't let me finish. Remind them that this is your home, regardless of where you've been and what you've done. But then explain how different things are elsewhere, how...I don't know... _new_ everything is. Mention the Inquisition. Mention your time spent traveling and seeing how other lands work. Bring them out of their egocentric ideals. Shake them up, Dorian, don't be afraid to! That's always been your plan!"

Dorian hesitated, but Alex was sure he heard an assenting sigh. "You should be the one giving speeches here."

Alexander chuckled. "Pretend you're talking to me," he said sweetly. "And only me. And you'll be fine. Take the crystal with you, keep it in your pocket. And I'll be there."

***

Alexander was glad he'd been smart enough to bring the crystal closer to the fire. When it started to glow and hum in that now familiar way, he grinned and dried his hands off with the warm sheet that rested on the stool beside him. He held the crystal tight, the heat of his fingers ceasing its ringing sooner than normal, and Dorian's voice broke through the crackling fireplace.

"That was fast," Dorian noted as Alexander sank down a little deeper. "Was I in your pocket?"

"No," Alexander said, though he'd taken to carrying it around that way all the same. "My hands were already warm. And it was nearby."

"Oh?" Dorian mused a little playfully. Alex missed that. "Why were your hands warm? As I recall, my circulation was at an all time low in Skyhold."

Alex smirked. "You're a hot house orchid though."

"Don't start."

He laughed. "I'm in the bath, actually," Alexander finally explained through a chuckle.

Dorian immediately, predictably purred. "Are you indeed," he hummed. "What a sight to behold."

"Don't you wish," Alexander grinned, trying to determine whether the heat in his cheeks was from the hot water or Dorian's heavy voice.

"I do wish," Dorian said. "Are you alone?" he whispered.

Alexander craned his head around and peered at his little staircase. He'd asked for a bit of privacy, alone time, and relaxation. "As of this moment," Alex said, "I am."

Dorian gave a pained groan, though the sound also triggered rather pleasant memories in Alexander's mind. "How I wish I was there," Dorian sighed. "I always loved being in water with you. When you get slick like that...you just glisten."

Alexander was definitely blushing, although blood was also flowing elsewhere. "You appear to be in a mood," Alexander said, twirling the crystal absently.

Dorian chuckled darkly. "You said you were in the bath and my whole mind just turned filthy."

Alex laughed, but a tiny tingle ran across his body. It suddenly dawned on him that he could miss other aspects of Dorian other than his presence, his face, his conversation. It hadn't happened to Alex quite yet, because he'd been too occupied with the after math of Orlais and the after math of his arm, but he realized now that he missed touching Dorian. Or having Dorian touch him. It was strange, he could get a warm pleasant feeling from hearing Dorian's voice, and he could feel instantly at peace by just talking to him, but right now Alexander truly realized how _frustrated_ he was. "What are you doing then?" Alex asked, almost as a simple means of distraction.

"Laying in bed thinking of you," Dorian said smoothly. "And getting over excited."

Alex's heart skipped a beat. Somehow, for some reason, he both hated and loved this. "Excited? Or..."

"Aroused, Alex. Aroused." Alex chuckled nervously. "Is it odd that I'm only now starting to realize how much I miss fucking?" Dorian wondered bluntly.

Alex laughed again to curb his jitters. "Maker, I hope you're alone."

"I usually am," Dorian admitted, letting a moment of sadness drift into his words. But then it was gone. "I wish I was there," he groaned again. This time, he let the little sound linger, and he made a whining sigh that caused Alex a lot of trouble. "I want to be behind you in that tub," Dorian went on, almost to himself. "I want my arms dangling down your chest. I want to feel that heavy breathing thing you do every time I touch you."

Alex stopped. He was doing exactly that. He gave a breathy chuckle. "Such things you say," Alex mumbled.

"Oh I could go on," Dorian said darkly, and Alex found himself unwilling to object. Or interrupt. He gulped. "The things I would do," Dorian breathed. "Kissing down your neck and breathing in your ear. I love when you shiver for me. I don't think I'd be able to stay behind you for very long, though. I'd want my lips on you."

Alex gave a sigh he couldn't remember calling forth.

"I _want_  my lips on you," Dorian said, his own voice turning a little hoarse with desire. " _Kaffas..._ "

Alex sighed again, but it was short and almost ragged. "I'm doing that breath thing," he teased Dorian, though he didn't feel strong enough to tease at all. In mere minutes, Dorian had driven Alex to the edge of want, and he wasn't even here.

"I can hear it," Dorian hummed. " _Festis bei umo canavarum_."

Alexander gave a short little laugh. He was rolling the crystal across his damp chest and melting further down into the tub. "You're regressing."

Dorian took a deep breath in and sighed out, "My hand is very low right now." Alexander gave a little start, and he swallowed hard. The hot water and his hot body made his head swim. "I'm imagining it's you," Dorian purred, coaxing a little groan out of Alex. He didn't even know why it was happening, why Dorian's voice and his descriptions could make him feel so..."Are you thinking of me?" Dorian whispered softly, his voice making the little crystal hum strangely.

Alexander gulped and laid his head back. His chest heaved as if he'd been running. "I always am."

"You know what I mean."

His heart was beating so quickly. "I...only have one hand..." Dorian's pause made Alex fear he'd ruined the moment, and for a few seconds himself, he felt suddenly disheartened.

But then. "Put the crystal in that lovely little hollow of your collar bone. It will still touch you. And then _you_ can touch you."

Alex grinned and shivered, even in the hot water, and did as Dorian told him. It wasn't something he usually did, somehow favouring finding a distraction over giving into temptation. But Dorian...and he missed him so much and...he was so...Alex reached down, then he gave a little groan, relishing in how Dorian's voice hummed in approval so close to his ear.

If this was all they could have, oh, Alex would take it...

***

Dorian lay in his big empty bed under big empty curtains in his big empty room. There was much more floor than there was furniture, and even the massive windows looked strangely vacant. The only thing in the room that didn't empty was Dorian's mind, which raced around with varying thoughts of stress, melancholy, and anger, the latter directed mostly at himself.

It took a lot for him to get comfortable these days.  _These days_. Most nights, Dorian fidgeted and punched pillows and changed position until he was exhausted enough to just pass out. Most nights, he already was exhausted from the days difficulties, but when he blew out the last candle and his head hit that pillow, all he felt was lonely. Empty.

Dorian sat up and ran a hand through his hair, groaning into the room and listening to it echo. He looked down at the bed beneath him, staring angrily at the massive amounts of pillows he had stacked around the headboard. With a defeated sigh, Dorian gave in, and began preparing his sad and desperate ritual. Dorian took most of the pillows from the head of the bed, and stacked them up lengthwise behind him. It gave the illusion of comfort and stability at his back, and it was quite comfortable in all honesty.

But it also gave the illusion that there was a body behind him. Holding him.

If anyone ever caught Dorian doing this, he would be incredibly embarrassed. If anyone ever told Dorian that they did this too, he'd probably make a joke and call them 'precious'. But, as Dorian lay back down in his little nest, the pressure and presence of a thousand feathers curling around him, all he felt was numb.

If this is what he had to do to get a good night's sleep, so what? If he had to fill the ridiculous amount of vacant space on his bed to feel comfortable, who cared? After all, some people needed to sleep with millions of pillows or particular blankets or...

Dorian sighed and closed his eyes on his own thoughts. Maker, he realized, I should add a stuffed toy to the mix if I'm going to be such a child.

But then a ringing touched his ears, just softly enough that it could have been a natural occurrence from his hearing. He heard enough loud yelling nowadays for his ears to ring with the memory of it in silence. When he opened his eyes, however, the soft light coming from the nightstand softened his tense muscles, and brought a tiny smile to his lips.

He held the crystal tenderly, rubbing his fingers across it to warm it up as quickly as possible, and curled up on his side. He lay with his palm just slightly open by his nose as a voice came through. "I know it's late," Alex whispered. "Are you there?"

"I'm here," Dorian whispered back, though he wasn't sure why. "I was just thinking about you too." It wasn't a lie really, because Dorian was almost always thinking about Alex in one way or another. An old version of himself would find that pathetic, or dangerous. Now he just found it normal. And maybe a little sad.

He could hear Alex's eye-squinting smile in his voice. "I was really only calling to say good night. It's been a few days..."

"I know," Dorian said. "It's been...an interesting few days."

"You never told me how the speech went," Alex noted.

"I thought you were only calling to say goodnight?" Dorian teased, and he listened to Alex's soft chuckle until it faded out completely. "The speech went...well. I found more passion in myself than I thought I would."

"I knew it."

"Shut up," Dorian smirked, recalling with a little twinge of shame how absolutely terrified he'd been.

Alex gave a sleepy sounding sigh, and Dorian curled closer to the stone. "I started some lessons with Cullen today," Alex said, the way the words dropped from his mouth making it very obvious that he wanted to share this fact with Dorian.

"Did you?" Dorian grinned wider than he needed to. "And how was that?"

"Alright," said Alex. "I was right, it's not exactly as difficult as I thought. But...holding a shield is still not...really..."

Dorian frowned as Alex drifted off. "How is it? Overall?" Dorian asked after a brief silence passed between them. It was a touchy subject neither of them really broached during these conversations. In fact, they rarely discussed either of their "jobs" when they spoke, let alone anything that had happened in Orlais.

Alex's pause told Dorian more than his actual words did. "It's alright," Alex said. "I can look at it now."

"That's good," Dorian said flatly. He had no idea what else to say about it.

"Mm," Alex mumbled. They stayed in silence for a while, just like that, both of them thinking about everything and nothing. "Can we sleep this way?" Alexander finally asked.

"What," Dorian smirked, "with the crystals?"

"Mm," Alex said. "I...like the idea of you still sort of...being here with me. In some way."

Dorian liked that idea too, and for a moment he wondered whether Alex had a stack of pillows built up in front of him. "I think we can manage that," Dorian said quietly. He tightened his fingers around the stone and snuggled just a little closer to the pillows.  _Pathetic_ , he thought, but Alex's little resounding chuckle of joy made the thought blow out of his mind.

"I'll try not to drop you," Alex whispered.

Dorian closed his eyes and smiled to himself in his empty room in his empty bed.

"Goodnight," Alex said.

"Good night, amatus." Dorian tightened his fingers like a hug. It felt nice for his hand to be full of something other than sheets.


	5. The First Gift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But where are you now?  
> Where are you now?  
> Do you ever think of me  
> In the quiet, in the crowd?  
> "Where Are You Now?" - Mumford and Sons

Another month. There he had it. This morning marked the end of another miserable, strange month that had Alex in varying states of depression and hopelessness. Another month of a strange loneliness, another month of struggles, and it was his birthday soon. But who cared?

Certainly not Alex.

Alexander rolled his head back and forth as he stood before a mirror, looking at his tired face and sighing. A month since he lost his arm. A month of shirt sleeves sewn up to keep out a draft. A month of poor training with Cullen and confusion about using a shield. How was he supposed to hold one? "Maybe you'll be talented enough for just a sword," Cullen had assured Alex, but it didn't feel right. He felt off balance.

He missed his axe. Maker how he missed his axe...

And Dorian.

A month since a limb was severed physically from Alex's body, but it felt almost as bad to have a month without Dorian. He had his voice, his late night talks and whispers. Letters came every now and then too, full of the little secret things they couldn't seem to tell each other vocally. It was always easier for Dorian to write how he truly felt, instead of say it aloud. He got too flustered and embarrassed. So Alex kept every single kind word Dorian's fine penmanship ever wrote to him, and he cherished the sound of his voice in the darkness.

But they hadn't spoken in nearly a week. It was taking it's toll.

Alexander flinched. "Ow!" he chastised with a little hiss.

The tailor at his side grimaced. "I am sorry, Inquisitor," she said gently.

Alex sighed and ran his hand over his face. "It's alright. I didn't mean to sound so...It's fine," he said, looking at himself in the mirror again before watching the tailor sew up his sleeve. He sighed and tried to stand in any way he could that made him look less like an invalid. Nothing seemed to help today, however, and no matter what Alex told himself his sadness wouldn't lift.

The soldier sitting at his desk finally stood up and folded the letter Alex had dictated. "Please be sure to get that right to Leliana," Alexander said, gesturing with his floppy shirt sleeve as the tailor attempted to reign it in. "We need to win back support in Fereldan. They need to be delivered as soon as they can be."

"Of course, ser," said the soldier, getting the letters properly sealed before heading towards the stairs. Alex watched him in the mirror nearly collide with Cullen and Josephine as they came up the stairs.

They approached Alex with odd little smirks, but there wasn't much wit in Alex's expression.

He sighed and flopped his shirt around again. "Getting all of these done up is oddly more tiring than I anticipated," he complained softly as Cullen approached. He had a box under his arm and a smile on his lips, and Josephine grinned and fidgeted behind him.

"That won't be necessary," Cullen said gently to the tailor, who gave a confused bow and ducked out. 

Alex watched her go with confusion before turning around and staring at his councillors. He raised a brow. "I have to get these handled at some point," he said. "I'm running out of shirts."

"We'll have to have them all redone for you then," said Josephine, clasping her hands together under her chin with what Alex would call anticipation. 

Cullen held the box out for Alex's curious eyes, and somewhere Alex managed to find a subtle smile. "What is this for?"

"It's from Varric," Cullen explained. "The letter he wrote asked me to save it for your birthday, but I think it's too important."

Alexander smiled weakly, first at Cullen, and then at Josephine, before looking back at the box. A little pang ran through his chest at the simple fact that someone other than himself remembered the upcoming day, and that Varric had even taken the time to get him anything. "With an estate in Kirkwall," Alex chuckled, lifting the lid slowly, "and the key to the gate bridge, I can't imagine he...got..."

Alexander's voice failed him, and the sound of Josephine giving some kind of odd squeak in the background was the only sound in the room.

Laying in the box, made out of a sturdy and elegant looking bronze, was an arm. A forearm, at least, from elbow to fingers. There were straps and strange attachments hanging from the one end, and strong yet delicate fingers at the other. Little cranks and levers lay near the metal wrist, and sturdy screws and fasteners lined the digits in a way that suggested mobility. With Cullen still holding the box, Alex reached forward with his hand and touched the cool metal.

Inside, held by the fingers of the foreign item, a little slip of stiff paper rested. Across it there was a message in a messy, blocky script:

_Part me, part Bianca. Happy Birthday, Freckles. Not that I think you need this. - Varric_

Alexander swallowed. "I..."

"Want to try it on?" Cullen said, raising a brow. Alex looked up, catching Josephine in near tears and Cullen in the beginnings of a joyful laugh. It was hard not to be caught up in both of those reactions, and so Alex didn't fight either.

Cullen helped Alex get the thing strapped to his body. It was pulled tight against his actual flesh, then tethered up to his shoulder. Alexander was surprised at how comfortable it actually felt. He anticipated all the leather straps to be uncomfortable or cumbersome, but they were shockingly smooth and easy to maneuver. Once it was on, Alex looked at himself in the mirror and chuckled. "I missed that weight," he said, making Josephine and Cullen laugh. She was blushing just slightly at Alex's slight exposure, being shirtless, but he knew she wouldn't miss this for the sake of propriety.

"Try it out," Cullen suggested. "Varric said he included some sort of instructions," he said, digging back into the box.

But Alex was already at it, fiddling with the little knobs and levers that rested at the wrist. With each turn of one of the little dials, something new happened. The fingers could bend with one dial, and the thumb another. Each digit was controlled with it's own horizontal little gear, and then there was another closer to the bottom that moved all the digits. With that one in mind, Alex moved to his nightstand and put the bronze hand down towards a cup he had there.

He tightened the gears, and lifted. With a little chuckle and a very wide grin, he held up the cup to show Cullen and Josephine as if he were a proud little boy.

"Incredible!" Josephine beamed.

"Impeccable craftsmanship," Cullen said, stepping forward and squinting slightly as he investigated the arm.

But Alex still kept laughing. "I can't believe this is...This is...far more than I ever could have...I can't find the words!"

Everyone shared a little laugh as Alex turned back to his nightstand. He released the cup as Cullen spoke. "Now we can truly set you up as a warrior again," he said. "I'll have the blacksmith adjust a shield for that arm, and we'll be in business."

Alex nodded vaguely, but with his flesh and blood hand he was reaching for the little purple crystal on the nightstand.

Josephine immediately jumped forward and grabbed Cullen. "We'll leave you in peace," she grinned. "I can only imagine that you want to share this good news."

Alexander gave her a grateful smile, and Cullen an appreciative nod, and they vanished down the stairs with lingering smiles as Alex rubbed the stone. He watched himself in the mirror, rolling his shoulders, and recalling how miserable he'd been this morning. What a difference! The crystal started to glow, then started to buzz, and then...

Alex watched it for far too long, waiting, wondering, looking back and forth from it to his new apendange. But there was no answer.

Disappointed, Alex put the stone down and sighed. Dorian was busy. Of course he would be. Just because Alex had made very little headway since the Council, and just because he was still easily swayed back into misery, didn't mean Dorian was in the same boat. In fact, the last time they spoke had made Dorian sound like he was covering immense ground.

So Alex looked at himself for a little while longer in the mirror, remember what it felt like to have two arms swinging at his side, recalling the sensation of running both hands through his hair. Even as a few red strands got caught in the hinges and gears, it still felt incredible. And the prospect of real training with Cullen was hard to be unexcited for. In fact, with the absence of a nice conversation, Alexander dressed and hurried out of his rooms and down to the blacksmith to watch the work.

It felt like a new day to Alex for the first time in a month. 

 


	6. The Second Gift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I miss you more than you could know.  
> I watch the grass on the back lawn grow,  
> And I will not allow winds of change to blow,  
> And I hope you decide to come back home.
> 
> Cause this heavy heart, oh, how it's yearned.  
> Cause I've been alone far too long  
> When are you coming home, my love?  
> -"Winds of Change" - Vance Joy

Alexander shook out his metal arm a bit, feeling the weight of it, analyzing the addition of the shield attached to it. It was easy not having to focus on holding the thing, but instead just have it be quite literally part of his body.

"It's going to be very difficult for anyone to knock your shield away now," Cullen commented as he helped one of the Inquisition soldiers adjust Alex's arm to the modified steel. "I usually tell soldiers to imagine their shield is an extension of themselves, but...with you I guess that's true."

Alexander laughed and rolled his shoulders, lifting his blunted sword for the ready. "Just fight me already," he said with a stern brow but a sly grin.

Cullen chuckled. It was nice to see Alexander in any kind of joy these days. He grabbed his own shield and sword and stood facing Alexander. "Right. Remember what we discussed last time."

"Last time was weeks ago," Alex said with a raised brow.

"Well... _try_ then," Cullen smirked, getting into his stance and watching Alex do the same. "There. Already. Your foot is too far back. You don't have any heavy weapon to counter, don't throw off your balance. You have to stay light."

"Nothing about me is light," Alexander said, but he did as Cullen instructed, trying to keep more near the balls of his feet instead of at his heels. For Alex, he was used to people trying to knock him down and failing. He was used to being the one who slammed people to the dirt. He wasn't used to learning how to brace for the likes of himself.

"Do you remember the combination I taught you before?" Cullen asked.

Alexander nodded, though it was a lie.

"Good," Cullen said. "On my mark. One, two--"

"Three!" Alexander threw himself forward and brought the sword down swiftly, but it was easily countered with Cullen's shield, which he then used to bash Alex down. But luckily, Alex kept the light footed idea in mind, and he jumped back before the shield could connect. In response, Cullen lunged with his own sword only to have it knocked back by Alex's arm-shield.

"Good!" Cullen cheered, he and Alex circling each other. "Though I would have preferred you waited for my mark."

"Element of surprise," Alex grinned. "I never had that before."

"You may not now," Cullen chuckled. "You're convinced there is a massive difference between two handed weaponry and shield and sword. The differences are more subtle." He leapt forward and swung his sword down towards Alex, who blocked it swiftly, then countered Cullen's follow up with his own sword. The steel-on-steel sound rang through the air and Alex relished in it as they sparred in the courtyard.

"I can just hear Cassandra's jealousy all the way from Orlais!" Alex shouted over their match as shields glanced and swords sliced.

"Focus!" Cullen said, his own stern and concentrated face the very opposite of Alex's grinning. "It's not a game."

Alexander spun his sword out a bit and pushed Cullen's arm away, opening a perfect attack at his shoulder. But even as Alex lunged forward, Cullen's shield was fast. He blocked Alex's blow with lightning reflexes, then moved forward fast. Alex darted back, but he wasn't used to being light on his feet. And he was slow.

Cullen sliced through the air and Alex raised his sword. The resounding  _clang_ of metal on metal echoed through the yard as Alex's arm flew out to his side and left him exposed. He raised his shield just in time for Cullen to slam into him, body curled and tucked tight behind the strength of his own lion shield, and Alex went down like a ton of bricks.

"Oof!" Alex groaned as he landed on his back, hard. He was dazed for a mere moment before he looked up and found Cullen's sword at his chin.

Cullen grinned. "Better," he said slyly. "Braver. But still too slow. You're eager to throw yourself at your opponent, but now your guard has to be your best weapon. Not your massive maul."

Alex half-frowned, half-grinned. "You'd be on your back if I had my maul."

Cullen stepped back and sheathed his sword. "That may be," he said. He reached his hand out to help Alex off the ground. "But."

Alexander sighed. "But." He took Cullen's hand and the other man hauled him to his feet. Alex dusted himself off as Cullen chuckled softly. "Why don't we work on swordplay for now," he suggested. "Leave the blocking for later."

"I need to know how to use this," Alex said, raising his metal arm and the shield attached to it.

Cullen nodded but it was vague. "And you will, but I think understanding how to wield a one-handed weapon  _first_ may be the best place to start." He signalled to one of the servants standing by and he dashed over as Alex sighed.

"Fine," he said with a soft smile. He started trying to unstrap the shield from his arm, but the intricate leather loops got the better of him and he chuckled a little sheepishly. Alex held his arm out to the squire at his side. "Can you...give me a hand?" he joked.

The squire laughed gently and assisted Alex in getting the shield off his new prosthetic.

"Well that's quite the fancy thing."

Alexander froze. His heart stopped, then picked up speed at a rate even faster than his sparring pulse. Cullen was holding back a grin as Alex's eyes went wide on him, then he turned very slowly to look back towards Skyhold's gate.

Arms crossed over his chest, clad in a black and gold suit that looked intricately uncomfortable to Alex, but incredibly becoming on the man that wore it, there he was. Standing in the daylight, a physical object, an actual sight, with that black brow raised and his lips curling just slowly towards a wry grin. He looked like he'd never left, but also like he'd never been here. A Tevinter Magister, with all the fancy attire and powerful aura that went with the title.

But Alex hardly saw that.

_Dorian._

"My guess is...Varric? Took him long enough," Dorian mused as he tilted his head to the side, watching Alex gawk. He was trying not to laugh, chuckle, cry at the way Alex looked at him. "I was wondering if I should have something like that commissioned for you, but I trusted the dwarf."

Finally, unable to keep it in his chest, Alexander bloomed into a grin that burst into a laugh of complete and utter joy. He'd forgotten, actually forgotten, what Dorian was like in person, how he sounded, how his voice carried on the wind. Alex dropped his sword to the ground and turned himself fully to face Dorian as the other man kept up the casual act. Alex took a few shaky steps forward, blind to all the eyes on the couple in the courtyard.

"It's interesting," Dorian said, pointing to the metal arm and smirking as Alex came closer and closer, "gives you a sort of roguish air. Makes you seem more like a wolf than a puppy."

"Are you done yet?" Alexander laughed.

Dorian lost his sly smirk and grinned, wide and happy, uncrossing his arms. "I could most likely keep going if you needed a minute," he mused.

Alex cleared the last bit of space between them in a blink of an eye, and he threw himself into Dorian's arms. He'd worried, for half a second, that Dorian would be sheepish, that he would be standoffish or elegant or private, but Dorian's arms tightened around Alex's back so hard that Alex almost felt the air rush out of his lungs. They each laughed breathily in the other's ear as they held each other close, finally.

"Maker have mercy," Alex said as he gripped Dorian even tighter. Alex closed his eyes against his shoulder.

"Hello, amatus," Dorian purred, and Alex could feel his neatly trimmed moustache against his neck.

Alex pulled back and held Dorian by the shoulders, relishing in Dorian's own hands snaking along Alex's biceps. Alex just stared at his face, taking in every inch of it, making the older man smirk again. "I can't believe you're here," Alex breathed. "You didn't tell me!" He suddenly roared, laughing uncontrollably. 

Dorian chuckled. "You've your Commander to thank for that," he said, making Alex spin around to see a shyly grinning Cullen. "He wouldn't let me tell you. Said it would be a better surprise."

"You knew!" Alex said to Cullen. Then he rolled his eyes as he clued in. "That's why you conned me outside this afternoon!"

"Well you do also need to practice," Cullen said, but no one bought that excuse.

"I wanted to tell you at first," Dorian said, drawing Alex's eyes back to his. "But I rather liked the idea of seeing your face like this." He reached up without thinking and put his warm, tan hand on Alex's cheek, and they both froze a moment and clued into their surroundings. Such an intimate touch in broad daylight, after over a month apart, made both their bodies heat up.

It had never been scandalous, it had never been judged--at least not publicly--but both Dorian and Alex were suddenly desperate for privacy. They locked eyes for a moment, but then Alex's pounding heart couldn't take it and he looked towards the gate. "You brought half of Tevinter, I see," he joked weakly. He felt suddenly breathless with Dorian so close after so long.

Dorian looked to the little caravan he'd brought with him, tethered to a very fine black horse with an intricate mechanism Alex hadn't seen before. Dorian shrugged. "Just a few gifts. I'm not allowed to dote on you?" he mused.

Alex grinned. "I'll take gifts," he chuckled, but then the sound of another set of hooves alerted him back to the gate.

An elvan woman, or perhaps more like a girl, rode in on a brown mare. Her face was young but stoic, and her skin was free of any markings. She had brown hair that had just a slight tinge of red to it, and her wide eyes looked black as a moonless night. She wore traditional Tevinter garb, no where near as fine as Dorian's, and she dismounted with grace and ease as Alex furrowed his brows.

"Ah," Dorian said, moving out of Alex's reach. He finally realized he'd had his hands on Dorian's shoulders until this moment. "This is Aelia. She absolutely refused to let me leave Tevinter without her."

Aelia started giving commands to Inquisition servants and soldiers about the horses and how to move Dorian's belongings. Alex gave Dorian a softly concerned look and got a sigh and an eye roll for it.

"She's not a slave," Dorian said, raising a hand in mock defence. "She's...a servant. Well, mine, actually. The only one that I've really actually kept, and I pay a fair wage to the rest of my household. But Aelia is also my page boy, my scribe, and my assassin."

"You're what?" Cullen snapped. Neither Alex or Dorian had noticed him drift forward when Aelia rode in. "You didn't mention another in your letter."

Alex held an angry finger up between them. "No more secret writing back and forth," he said. 

Dorian pushed his hand down. "Aelia is reliable. Trust me, Commander, she's proven herself more than once. And if I'm going to be here for a week, I'll need her assistance at times."

Alex suddenly didn't care at all about this elven woman, about the letters or Cullen, and he looked at Dorian with sparkles in his eyes. "A week?" he smiled softly. "You're staying a week?"

Dorian grinned a sweet, romantic grin that Alex rarely saw but missed dearly. "Happy birthday, amatus."


End file.
